At 25, Harley Stuebgen never expected to become a caregiver for her mom after a breast cancer diagnosis. But when her mother, Kim, was diagnosed in 2023, Harley stepped in as caregiver.
From standing by her mother through surgery to organizing a breast cancer fundraiser in her honor, Harley’s story highlights the powerful bond between mother and daughter and the strength found within a supportive community. This is her story in her own words.
The Moment That Everything Changed: My Mom’s Breast Cancer Diagnosis
I vividly remember the day my mom called me with the news of her breast cancer diagnosis. I was at home getting ready for our family’s Memorial Day weekend trip.
After breaking the news to me, she said, “Harley, your dad is going to be home in five minutes. He’s a wreck, and you need to be prepared.”
I gave myself three minutes to cry. Then, I splashed my face with cold water and waited for him to walk through the door. Seeing my dad cry was surreal, but I knew I had to be strong for him, my mom and my two brothers.
Preparing to Support a Loved One Through Breast Cancer
When my mom went in for an ultrasound after an abnormal mammogram, her doctor ordered a biopsy. That night, she pulled me aside and said, “I think I have breast cancer. I’m not going to tell your dad or brothers, but I need you to be ready.”
I thought it sounded a little extreme at the time, but I agreed. A part of me was bracing for what was to come, but hearing the official diagnosis was shocking. My mom is the heart and soul of our family and the strongest person I know.
Becoming a Young Caregiver after Mastectomy Surgery
I sat with my dad in the hospital waiting room for the duration of her surgery – a total mastectomy. I packed snacks, books and magazines to keep us occupied, but we never touched any of it.
We didn’t eat. We didn’t drink. We didn’t even leave to go to the bathroom.
When Mom came home, I stepped into the caregiver role. My brothers were scared. My dad was overwhelmed. So, I took charge.
She couldn’t pick up a cup of water, so I brought it to her. She couldn’t brush her teeth, feed herself or get dressed – I did it for her.
Those weeks were hard, but they brought us closer than ever. Supporting a parent during breast cancer treatment showed me just how important family really is.
Organizing a Fundraiser for Breast Cancer Awareness
A few months after her surgery, my dad called me with an idea. He wanted to organize a sport shooting breast cancer fundraiser in Mom’s honor. He picked the date and location, but he left the rest to me.
We spent weeks visiting local businesses to request donations. I created flyers, built donation forms and tracked every contact in a giant spreadsheet of more than 200 businesses. We launched a fundraising page through Komen’s DIY fundraising platform so people could contribute online.
Every Pair Matters: A Community Fundraising Event
As boxes upon boxes of prizes, supplies and donations arrived at my parents’ house, my mom became suspicious. My dad ran out of excuses for the deliveries, so we sat her down and showed her the event flyer.
We called the fundraiser “Every Pair Matters.” My dad isn’t the most vocal person, but this was his way of expressing how much my mom means to all of us.
A Day of Hope and Fundraising to Help End Breast Cancer
I wouldn’t be the person I am today without the influence of my mom.
Harley Stuebgen
My dad planned to deliver the event’s safety message and share a few words about my mom. In the back of my mind, I wasn’t sure he’d be able to get through it. He made it through the safety briefing, but when he started tearing up, I stepped in and finished it for him.
It was a gorgeous day full of hope, inspiration and family. We originally set a goal to raise $2,500, but by the end of the day, we raised more than $11,000. At one point, we had so many guests that we had to set up extra tables outside.
It was a beautiful reminder of how loved and respected my mom is and how powerful a community can be when it comes together to fundraise for breast cancer awareness.
How Helping My Mom Through Breast Cancer Changed Me
This experience changed me in ways I never expected. I learned what it means to step up for someone you live and how much strength can come from family.
I wouldn’t be the person I am today without the influence of my mom. If I turn out to be even 1% of the woman she is, I’d consider that a success.
Statements and opinions expressed are that of the individual and do not express the views or opinions of Susan G. Komen. This information is being provided for educational purposes only and is not to be construed as medical advice. Persons with breast cancer should consult their healthcare provider with specific questions or concerns about their treatment.
